i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
