I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
