And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
