Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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