Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
