Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize