We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
