Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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