Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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