Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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