Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
