The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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