Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am naked and annoyed.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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