At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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