she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
