My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
