my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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