She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
