She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
