all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
