dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
