no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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