Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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