no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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