is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
