I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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