Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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