Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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