he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
