oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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