six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
