and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
