that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
