I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
