i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Someone signed my nipple.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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