If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
