Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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