So drunk, too bad you don't want this
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize