The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
