I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
