Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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