if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
