just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
