the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
