Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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