I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
