Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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