i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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