why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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