End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
