i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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