Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
