I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
