just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
