Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
