soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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