They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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