dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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