if you like me you must not know who I am
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
