god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
