I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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