Sry I called you an 8
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
