i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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