apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
