I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
