when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
