So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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