I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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