i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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