it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
