Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
