And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
