okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
