I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize