She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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