He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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