The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Who died my cat blue again?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
