if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
