Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
