guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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