I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize