Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
