my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The convent might be a nice break from real life
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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