This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
