im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
