Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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