He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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