I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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