Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
