If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
