It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
