member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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