today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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