i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
