I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
