All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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