they said they heard you say put it in my butt
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
