I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
