What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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