New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
